look, sometimes my life sucks and i need to answer questions like:

– DO THEY STILL LIKE ME???
– AM I GOING TO FINISH THIS BEFORE THE DEADLINE???
– WILL I BE OKAY??
– IS THIS IS A BAD LIFE DECISION??
– ETC

but i’m also very hungry & don’t have time to go on some sort of soul searching quest or meditate on it or whatever. THANKFULLY i’ve developed a 100% foolproof method so put away ur magic 8-balls!!!!!!!!!!

STEP 1. LOG ON TO UR FAVE PIZZA DELIVERY SITE

order pizza with your TOPPING OF CHOICE. then scroll down the SPECIAL INSTRUCTIONS section. if your pizza delivery site of choice doesn’t have this find another one that does!!!

copy this shit:

replace “pepperoni” with “whatever topping you ordered”

STEP 2. PREPARE TO BE ENLIGHTENED

you have received your pizza. tip your pizza oracle kindly, and thank him for his hard work.
gather your friends or roommates or house plants and sit in a circle around the pizza box.
chant your question loudly and slowly raise the box to amp up the suspense. then, carefully, open the box………

STEP 3. FIND ENLIGHTENMENT

and now u know!!!! 8^)
~~ in collaboration with charlie burlingham ~~